gender are arbitrary and learned, they are not biological as is the case with our born sexual charac- teristics.

"Then you're saying that in the process of maturing and learning to be masculine, men might also learn to appreciate many things that we arbitrarily think of as female . . .'

"Feminine, Reverend Vin- cent said, correcting me. "You see, the young boy is under a tre- mendous feminine influence in the important, developing years of his life. His mother, of course, but also other female relatives, and then the school teacher, Sun- day School teacher, and so forth. If he's a sensitive child he will pick up certain interests, ideals and patterns from these feminine teachers. But because they are feminine teachers he will likely feel inhibited about expressing any of them.”

"In other words," John said, "he'll be afraid of being called a sissy?"

"Yes," Reverend Vincent re- plied.

"But these interests and pat- terns," Beth asked, "do they re- main with him even though he doesn't express them?"

"Oh, yes," Reverend Vin- cent answered, "and it is really only through a dramatic philoso- sophical approach like ours that he can realize that they are still part of him and fully learn to give them expression." Rever- end Vincent turned and pointed to a couple at the table across the room, saying, "Look over there, do you see how gracefully that man is eating? His whole attitude is completely different because he's in the role appro- priate to the grace of a feminine. person. He's expressing patterns and feelings that were learned but carefully hidden, until he came into the Femina organiza- tion."

For a moment the four of us were silent as we each studied the couple Reverend Vincent had pointed out. We could tell the husband, but only because of his size. He was wearing a very fashionable dress and his appear- ance was quite authentic. But what captured my interest was the way he held the fork so deli-

cately; how his arm rested on the edge of the table in a feminine manner; and as Reverend Vin- cent had pointed out, his whole attitude and approach to the sim- ple process of eating was entirely different than would have been the case were he dressed as a

man.

"Tomorrow he'll be elbow- ing his way up to a counter in some diner and gulping his food down," Reverend Vincent re- marked, "tonight it's a different matter entirely.'

I had to agree. If, in this man's youth, his mother had im- pressed upon him the importance of table manners and social graces it had not been forgotten, though it may have been hidden and repressed. Now he could ex- press all this in a perfectly na- tural way.

From considering the other man I naturally turned to con- sidering myself and I became aware not only of how different- ly it had felt to be eating while wearing feminine clothes, but how differently I had automatic- ally behaved while doing so. There seemed to be an instinctive ability and automatic tendency to do everything slower, and more gracefully. Still, I knew in- side that I was no less a man for expressing myself this way, or for behaving in this manner. I knew this, too; that through the Femina approach I had found more to my personality than I was previously aware of and in the permissive and "proper" en- vironment I had been able to ex- press more of my total "self" than just that part which is us- ually bound up in being mascu- line.

As we got up from the table I turned to Reverend Vincent and shook his hand, saying, "I think I really am beginning to understand what the Femina movement is striving to bring out It has to be this dramatic or it would never succeed."

He only smiled and bid us goodbye but I could sense the infinite patience in his eyes as they met mine. Whatever it was that had inspired Reverend Vin- cent, smouldered deep within him. We all walked slowly across the dining room toward the

dressing cubicles and as I looked around I wondered why it had taken so long for such a method of human understanding to de- velop and take shape.

Beth took my hand as she had earlier during the meeting and we followed John and Mary through the door. None of us spoke. There was no need for words. The profundity of the Femina spirit was enough in it- self.

But I knew there would be long discussions about tonight, and I knew, too, that there would be other Femina gather- ings. A door to a deeper under- standing had been opened and there was nothing to prevent me from exploring what lay beyond.

RESUME OF A CROSSDRESSER

Age 6 doesn't understand. Age 16 - crop duster on farm. Age 19 Carrier pilot shot up. - Age 23 - college - good at studies Investment banker. Age 29 Age 39 - Into politics - making $. Age 44 - Wife finds clothes.

A. Try to explain

B. She tells children C. She tells ENTIRE family D. She tells WORLD

Age 44 - 48

A. Guilt

B. Drunk C. Why me?

Age 48 - NOW!

I want to be a "second self" per- son without guilt and to promote the sorority of my sisters to the best of my ability.